Episode 3: Yamile McBride, Latinas Finas and Conscious Step-Families
Hello everyone and welcome to the third episode of the Daisy Chain Podcast and today I am super excited to introduce you to Yamile McBride, who is a graduate of Salem College and is into all kinds of incredible things here in Winston-Salem and the county. Jamile is the Lead Latina in Latinas Finas de Carolinas and is also the COO of Conscious Step-Familie. Jamile is a fire starter, you guys. She is all over the place, she all over the county doing some amazing things, not just in our community groups but in our schools with young people. Jamile, I just appreciate you so much for being here for being part of this podcast and just telling everybody about your journey after graduation after SAlem. You have had an incredible journey and you have done some pretty incredible things. And so, I want you to just share that with us today and let’s just start off with the basics. Tell us a little bit about you, your family, your sweet husband Casey and your sweet children, tell about your family and what life has been like for you after Salem College.
Yamile: Wonderful thank you so much for asking me to come. You are honestly a daisy in the mix of stuff so thank you so much. Alright, so I am known as the Loud Large Latina Fina
Melissa: And we love you for it.
Yamile: Thank you so much. And so I I have a family of four children. We have a Brady Bunch from the 21st Century. I have two kids that I brought into the marriage, and he has one child he brought in from another marriage, and then we have a 5 year old baby girl who is helping us regain that joy and playfulness, that we so needed. We also have a goat! A uni-goat!
Melissa: A goat?!
Jamile: Yes, yes! They were supposed to take away his horns and one of them popped up. If anyone has seen Despicable Me 3. That is the goat! We also have a dog… we always keep our animals in the house. We love animals, we love life and its just been fantastic. I think that’s the word. It’s been fantastic since I graduated college at Salem College.
Melissa: So, after you left Salem where did life take you?
Jamile: It took me everywhere. So, I was really a chaser, I was a hustler. I was still in the mentality of needing to get my degrees and so after that a year later I pursued my Masters Degree and got that.
Melissa: In what?!
Jamile: That was a Masters in Education Administration. Because what my dream was, what I thought that I wanted to do was to be a eventually, a superintendent at a school. But, I ended up being an assistant principal in one of the schools in the county and for two and half years I thought that was it. I thought I had gotten my dream. I should be happy. I’m making money and I realized that through that failure of thinking that was what I needed I found my destiny. And so its just super exciting because we think we’re on a track, we’re majoring or minoring in “this” and that’s what I thought, I minoring in Communications and majoring in education and that’s what I want to be when I grow up type of thing but in reality, life has a way of kind of taking you to where you need to be.
Melissa: That’s great. So tell us what caused you to switch gears? You’re still very involved in the schools, very active in the school system but tell us how you switched gears, what prompted you to switch gears and to start Latinas Finas, which by the way, listeners, has been incredibly successful. It was started in 2016?
Jamile: 2017
Melissa: She has over 1000 followers on her Facebook page. She is global. You’re global now, you have constituents in Australia and Africa now. And so she is all over the world so that is pretty amazing. But what happened as you moved in this direction? Was there something that caused you to shift and move into this arena that you’re in now? We’ll talk about Latinas Finas first and then move to Conscious Step-Families.
Yamile: Sure, so what happened was actually, that I got to a block of this is it? This is what I signed up for? I was working 80 hours a week, I was barely seeing my children, barely seeing my husband, I was always fixing a problem. There was always a problem that had to be fixed because the school that I was in is actually the lowest functioning middle school in North Carolina. So, a lot of just heartache. So, it was through my heartache, my roughest moments, that I started searching, is this it? Can this be my life for the rest of it? And not only that but I was being prepped to take the school over for the following year. And so I knew where I was going, right because everybody wanted me in and now I could be a prinicipal but I started to get into a depression. I started just getting like, “Is this it? Can this really be happening.” And so, in my search I remember watching a show on Netflix, “Not Your Guru.” And its Tony Robbins talking about that he is not our guru, that really our guru is us. Each individual. And so, I thought, “Wait, what? I’ve got my answers?” We all have our individual gifts and answers and reason for why we exist so I kept on looking and looking and ended up at an event in July 2017 in New Jersey, which is where I was born, so I thought that was really cyclical, that we went back to where I was born. And I saw myself unleash that power that was inside. That power, that even though I was loud before, and I was moving and shaking things, I was doing that because of the perceptions that I thought that people wanted me to do. I want you to be a doctor, I want you to be a lawyer, I want you to be someone big in the community. But what does Yamile want? What was Yamile’s whole intention of even existing? Because the last number I saw we are all here by grace and a miracle because 1 in 450 trillion, that’s the chances of you and I being here. Once I started realizing and educating myself, because education is lifelong. I was in college and I thought “I passed this class and therefore I have whatever it is.” And so that really woke me up, emotionally, spiritually and socially, to who I am. And I was 41! Can you believe it? 41!
Melissa: Yeah, but you know I think we’ve talked about before, that your 40’s, I mean feel like I have hit a new awakening. I mean I am really tapping into the rhythm of my own drum beat in so many ways. I can appreciate that.
Yamile: It’s crazy because we’ve actually met each other like a year ago right? And I’ve seen you transform.
Melissa: WE did. Yamile and I we actually met a couple of years ago. She was a speaker at Venture Cafe in downtown Winston-Salem and I immediately was just drawn to you Jamile. You are such a dynamic and authentic speaker in the way that you present yourself to people and I was immediately drawn to you so I just had to put that in there because I think it’s important for people to understand that when you go through the struggles, when you go through the obstacles, when you are faced with a crossroads, it really can bring out the best in you. And I think that everything that you have been through in your life it is a reflection in how well you are able to present yourself in public, and with people and in the groups that you are addressing. I’m just so impressed by that.
Yamile: It’s funny you say that because that was the very beginning stages. I was still even in that process I was still figuring this whole thing out. Even around that time is when I wrote the book, “Loud, Large, Latina Fina” which is where I realized that my vulnerabilities, and people thinking they have vulnerabilities, are the super powers that they have. It’s almost like a new car, right? We get a new car, we don’t everything about the new car, we don’t know how fast it goes or anything like that, but as we test it out, we start acclimating to the seat. It starts moving with us. We become the car. And so that is the vehicle that I am in. Thinking that it was a vulnerable spot… I’m loud and I’m large and everybody looks at me a certain way because of my accent, not realizing that was the vehicle that I got to drive, and test out the headlights (laughter) you know? And so, you know when I tell you that, our world, our life is our playground, it’s our manuscript. We decide we want. We decide what role we want to play. And so even though growing up I was abused and went into foster homes and shelters, a lot of the stuff that happened there that was the Yamile from before. That was Yamile 1.0. Now, its Yamile 2.0 but as life and seasonings happen, that’s when we get even better like wine.
Melissa: Well, I do want to touch on you experiences in foster care. I don’t want to take you back to a dark place but I think so many of us have experienced traumas and tragedies in our childhood and things that we have had to learn how to over come as adults. I know that I have had things that I have had to over come and it has taken me my whole life to over come them. What was it like? What was that like going from different foster homes and living that type of a life, what was that like for you growing up?
Yamile: Embarrassing. I remember feeling so moritified that we had to count our cans of food and going into place that kids were just crying and I think that’s the other reason why before I got preganant I really didn’t like kids. I didn’t like kids because of that. And everything that I’ve ever gone through the last time we were in a shelter I was 18 years old, I was a senior in high school in Orlando Florida. And I don’t if you know but Orlando has one of they have one of the best places to be homeless. They know how to take care of their homeless.
Melissa: No, I did not know that.
Yamile: We lived, well, I call it a commune for homeless people. And because that side of town in Orlando back in 1994 they were very segregated, the side of town where this place was out was majority Black. So, the high school I went to as a senior was all Black and I remember my sister and I getting, they were throwing stones at us and calling us all of these racial slurs and everything. But, that all propelled the love of people. Like man, if us Black people, us Hispanic people, us White people, us Asian people can get together, like if we cause that much division that’s pretty powerful. Like when you part a wall or separate the seas doing something for like “Yes, it’s all mine.” It’s pretty powerful.
Melissa: Well, you know the rising tide, it lifts all boats. And that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to touch on that because I think that it’s important to know that you can either take a situation in your life and see the negative and dwelling on the negative, or you can turn into something positive and something that can be truly impactful and take that and harness it which is what you did because that’s what you’re doing now. You’re working with Latinas Finas you are collaborating with women of all demographichs in our community in order for all of us all to come together to try to break the stereotypes and the status quo, surrounding all of these groups. So, tell a little about the work that you’re doing in Latinas Finas and what that consists of.
Yamile: Sure. So, Latinas Finas is Class Latin Women.
Melissa: I love that by the way.
Yamile: Yes, very classy (shakes pearl bracelet on her arm) and you can hear the beads.
Melissa: Oh, aren’t you precious with your pearls (laughter)
Yamile: Yes, with my classiness. And truly, I don’t know if you’re familiar with AKA, so I saw them right before, and this where I think it’s so amazing, because when the student is ready the teacher will appear. So, I started seeing like little things of how we could group up, and I saw that AKA’s at an opening for a school function, and we had women from like 18 years old all the way up to 80 years up and they were classy as can be with their pearls, and I don’t want to say old ladies but the older ladies had their big hats and they were sewing some stuff and all of them were together and they were the ones that put this big event together at the Benton Convention Center. And I said “Wow, if these Black sisters can do this Latinas can do this and then we can collobarate and we can just make this bigger than what it is. And so Latinas Finas does not focus on the lack. We do not focus on what we don’t have. What we are focusing on is the glass half full. And so, what we believe, it’s like a beer or a soda, you start putting in the beer or the soda it will start spewing if you continue to do that, if you continue to fill up the cup. And so, that is the energy that we want. If we can energize a people to speak life, to speak it into existence, to manifest what they want, they will have that in every part of their life. And I feel like the narrative that has been told on for Blacks and Hispanics is Oh, poor us. We’re so poor, poor, poor. Poor?! We’re drowning in the stories, the stigma, that is out there. And so we just want to propel. And there has been some negative feedback like well, you can’t ignore the weeds. And we’re not trying to ignore the weeds, but we have so many weeds, that we’re not looking at the beautiful flower that’s right next to it. WE’re not looking at the daisies that are blooming around them . Daisies are perfect because they bloom around a lot of weeds and ragweeds. And so as a Salem sister, as a woman, as just that person that wants to bridge this stuff is like, come on over to the other side. Yes.Life has its stuff. but a lot of that stuff is to prepare us kind like a caccoon for a butterfly. I remember looking at a butterfly and thinking can we just rip it open and get it out of there free it and really you would kill it if you get it out of its steam kettle. So, that’s what Latinas Finas does. It empowers Hispanic women to collaborate with all women so that we can mentor this in the next generation. Because you, in your classiness and beautifulness, can you imagine.
Melissa: Oh thank you. I’m in my jogging pants right now (laughter)
Yamile: You look pretty good girl. You look pretty good. And so as we move together right, these young girls are going to look at up at us and say “What, they can look that good and their older, or they can work together.” and so that’s the whole reason.
Melissa: That’s so great. And I absolutely love what you are doing with getting this group out there and what you’re doing with the women. There is a lot of power in women’s groups. And when you get a group of women together, as we know, you can do some pretty incredible things. People talk about the value of going to a women’s institution, and that for me is where I have found my power, is being in an environment where I am surrounded by women who have encouraged and propelled me into seeking what it is that I am meant to be doing, in the future and in the community. But it’s women like you who spur that on. It’s women like you, who help spur that on Yamile. When you’re out there doing these things its inspiring and motivating for all of us, Even though I’ve watched some from the sidelines, and I’ve just watched you over the course of the last two years how much you have grown this community and it’s pretty amazing what you have done and I admire you so much for it. And especially your work in the schools. You know I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for you. Can you tell us a little bit about that experience. working in the school, when you were assistant principal and trying to cultivate yourself and prepare yourself for taking on that role there. What was that like? What kind of experiences did you have there?
Yamile: I’m glad you asked that because, so as women, as Salem sisters, we tend to want to fix everything else around us first and we forget that really the only way, the only engine to be able to fix more because we can do that, is by fixing us first. And not fixing us because we are broken, not that at all, because I don’t believe we are broken, I think we feel we are, but that missing or something.
Melissa: I know and I love that, I love that perspective because we are not broken,
Yamile: We’re not. If we look at stained glass windows or we look at things or the mosaics that are broken pieces, and then what does it create? Something great. So, at the school, I got caught up with fixing a lot of stuff. And the other part is that I got into my masculinity energy. So, what I believe is that we all have masculine and feminine energy.
Melissa: Sure, sure. Absolutely.
Yamile: But because of our aura women really do better in their feminine energy. We think we don’t and that’s what happened. I blocked off my feminine energy when I was abused when my husband left. All this stuff I blocked that off to protect myself. But in reality what I was doing was working out of an energetic field that was causing me damage. And so I didn’t realize what I was doing because I was doing the job, the JOB required these kids have drugs, I have to go and take care of this situation, I have to call the police, this parent almost attacked this person, and so you know because of so many fires going on, this staff member isn’t happy with this staff member, so all that, I was caught up in fix, fix, fix, mode and so never really took into consideration, wait before I turn the fire off, what caused the fire to begin with. And so the last six months I started focusing more on what caused that. In those last six months is when I reduced discipline by 27% and I was really excited about that because I started looking at the underlying thing rather than the fire. What got me to there, to be honest with you, is I got put down by a kid. She took me down. And so my husband had to come, the ambulance had to come, she kicked me pretty hard and I thought I was having a heart attack. That happened at the beginning of the year and that was reallly the motivating factor. To be honest with you I actually send her a lot of lot and lot of light and blessings because if it wasn’t for that kick, if it wasn’t for that I couldn’t literally use my phone, my arm wouldn’t even move, it was so scary I thought I was dying.
Melissa: Gosh, that’s scary.
Yamile: Yeah, it was scary. Because of that it made me me start looking in deeper, like I can’t be running around this campus taking care of stuff. What happened at the beginning? What is that source? And so those were the beginning questions. So that is when I saw Tony Robbins, and then I came back and August 1st I think is when we went back for our three day retreat for all administration and I remember seeing everyone look so depressed and we had been off for a month. We had no kids, do know what I’m saying, we had our own lives, and everybody was so depressed that they were back. And I called my husband and I said, I’m not coming back. I’m gonna give them my 30 days today. And because they were prepping me to be the principal, they were not very happy but but I couldn’t live in that for myself anymore.
Melissa: Right.
Yamile: And so, from there in August 2017 I started the Latinas Finas project. And used all my retirements to do that which some would call crazy. It was like walking on that fire that first night I was at Tony Robbins,. We can tell our mind anything because we own our mind.
Melissa: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Yamile: Our heart, guides us and leads us but our mind tells us no, you’re too fat, you’re too ugly, you’re too stupid, what are you doing? And so what we want is for you to align with your heart so that you can find the right answers for your own life.
Melissa: That’s so great. That’s very powerful. And it sounds like a very powerful experience. Now that you’re on the other side of it, because you took the chance, you jumped, and now you’re flying. So what does it look like from the 30,000 foot view?
Yamile: It’s crazy. I love it. I love it because I don’t stay stuck in the manusha, I don’t stay stuck, like right now we’re working on a program, and it’s a hefty program that we’re sending out there to work on, and when I get stuck, like how do you do xyz on computer stuff, I look at is like wait, come back up to 30,000 feet. So it’s beautiful that you say that because it’s only when we see it at 30,000 feet, don’t get stuck on this pain, this little pain is for this big gain. So that’s perfect you said that. That’s perfect to use Melissa, for anybody that’s stuck in a pain. Whatever that pain can be. Look at the gain from 30,000.
Melissa: Well, we’ve talked before and I’ve told you my word of the year for 2019 is perspective.
Yamile: Yes, Tell me.
Melissa: And so that’s, it falls in line with what you’re saying, because if you step outside of a situation and you take yourself back up to the 30,000 foot level, and look at it from the aerial perspective, it’s much smaller, the problem that you’re trying to over come is much smaller than living in it at that moment. And so I absolutely appreciate what you are saying. So tell us, the other arm of what you are doing is Conscious Step-Families. so tell us a little about that and how that got started and what ignited that fire.
Yamile: That’s actually funny that you say that because that’s actually our word for the company. Is it ignite.
Melissa: Oh wow. Okay.
Yamile: Is to ignite families. And the cross over is that as a step-family, and it’s so cool because you’re actually a step-family too, as a step-family, 70% do not make it.
Melissa: Wow I had no idea the statistic was that high.
Yamile: It is very high.
Melissa: Wow.
Yamile: And also the families are younger now. They’re in their 20’s and they’re in their 2nd and 3rd marriages.
Melissa: Wow!
Yamile: Yes, so what we want to do with conscious step-families is to help these families who are ready, because not everybody is ready, bu the step-families that are ready, to step in, step up and step out into who they want to be starting with themselves. If they are like, I am done with this little girl rolling her eyes, I am done with his ex-wife, I am done with all that stuff, so you know the problem but once you can identify but I know there has to be an answer because I love my husband or wife so dang much, there has to be something that’s going to get us through. What is that something? It’s to come back out on the 30,000 foot ledge and look and see I love my life, I love myself, I love my husband. And this problem, this situation, it’s crossing over from Latinas Finas, it’s personal development, it’s developing of ourselves first. Because problems are going to be there and situations happen. I don’t care if you’re a millionaire, a billionaire or you’re living in the streets we all have something that we come across and that’s our consciousness. So conscious step-families was created, one because we’re as step-family, we’re actually 3 generations of step-families, so my grandparents, my mother, and us. So we were like, where can we end this? Why did it happen before? And we did it also as a social enterprise to pump and fuel money into the non-profit, so that was the reasoning behind it but also the passion because we are the step-family.
Melissa: And you saw the problem. I think that a lot of people don’t, my experiences with friends, and in my circles, I see so, so many issues with family dynamics with step-families, and for some reason people think that this is just the way life has to be. I was very fortunate growing up in that I had amazing step-parents. My step-parents all get along, my step-dad got along with my Dad, my step-mothers got along with my Mom, they always kept us as the main point of everything, they always kept us as the main focus, and there were times they may have had issues and problems that they had to work out but it wasn’t an ongoing battle. What I’m seeing with a lot of step-families is that there is an ongoing battle between the mothers and the step-mothers. You know I think I’ve told you before I don’t actually use the term step, here for me and my family, we use bonus, because the negative connotation with step that underlying tone and I wanted to set a different tone for our relationship and for our family dynamic. And so my soon to be step-sons are my bonus sons and I’m their bonus mom because I wanted it to have a different tone and go into the marriage with a different dynamic and tone for the relationship. But I think that people really feel like they have to live in this misery and you know I had someone tell me one time that being a step-mother is the most thankless job you’ll ever have and it doesn’t have to be that way, you know it really doesn’t and so I think that what you’re doing is so important because of what you said statistically, and in my circles I see so many people that are struggling with the family dynamic and trying to make things work with the bonus children and the ex-spouses. I think it’s really good and impactful what you’re doing and there is not anyone else around here doing it unless you go to a family therapist which is absolutely a great idea but I love the way that you incorporate the group setting because I think it’s important to have that support within a group. It can feel very lonely. We’ve had our issues that we’ve had to work had to work through and it’s a very lonely place so having that support system and that platform for support is just really important.
Yamile: Well, it’s definitely been since the beginning of time, they’re called Masterminds, and so Jesus did it with his disciples, the yogi’s, masterminds are super powerful because you get together a group of people together that want the same result so in this case they want a happy peaceful, resilient step-family. You gather all these people, that’s their mission. Their mission is not to change their step-daughter or their step-son, what they change is their thought, is their perception, of their step-family. So, you saying bonus, actually what I’ve noticed is that statistics is people who use bonus are usually millineials so you’re a pretty hip step-mother.
Melissa: Well, thanks I try to be (laughter)
Yamile: So when women and men can realize that we are the answer to anything in our lives, to a better life, to a better family, and all of that stuff then we can actually grow more. And I relate to like when we have headache, what do we do, Tylenol, thank you Tylenol, thank you Ibuprofen, whatever we take for the headache instead of asking what did I do to cause this headache.. oh I’m stressed out, oh I’m I’m doing this, oh I drank too much wine last night or whatever the case is. If we can look at that because the world wants to demonize the outer of us, the world says it’s an epidemic of, there was an epidemic of these drugs…
Melissa: The epidemic of opioids.
Yamile: Yes, the epidemic of opiates, those bad opiates. Listen, you will not have an epidemic of opiates if you do not pick up the opiates. The guns, who kills? The people are the guns. So, I’m not going to say whose better or whose not because we are all going through our own journey but the more we give the demon outside of us, the less we can become the kings and queens that we already are and so that’s what we try to help our step-families believe. Not because they are broken or dumb or stupid or they’re missing anything but because if we can unleash and ignite that fire inside of them, their going to have the better, better relationship with their family.
Melissa: I think a lot of people have difficulty though, Yamile with personal accountability, that’s essentially, what, it’s very hard to be introspective at times when you’re dealing with a stressful situation and it’s easy to lay blame on everyone, well my step-son or step-daughter did this or my husband is doing this. It’s very hard to look introspectively at what you’re doing personally to not necesseraily help but to hinder the circumstances surrounding what you’re dealing with. And so I think you’re bringing awareness to this and I see what you mean when you say, when they’re ready, because it is absolutely, you have to want to change and you have to want to grow personally to improve your situation, not necessarily to change the people around you and there is a difference between the two. And and so I think that putting yourself in a situation of trying to look at your perspective that you were saying can be difficult but I think that it’s really fantastic that you’ve had such success with it and people are recognizing it but I don’t think that people are even aware that it’s a problem and I think that’s what is so great about this group, is that it’s about awareness. And just being aware that this something that a lot of people deal with everyday and we haven’t been dealing with it for years and years, those of us that have come from families that have step-parents and our friends do so I think that it’s great.
Yamile: It’s funny that you say that because actually consciousness is awareness. Consciousness is being aware of why that is hurting you. And so the reason I also wanted to bring up the story of living in a homeless shelter when I was 18 years old, so that’s pretty embarrassing already, but 18 years old I was living in a shelter in Orlando. We were there for almost a year and when I left there and went to college and every story I had about Florida, I hated. “Oh you lived in Florida?” Yeah, I hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it. Everyone, even Casey, until one day we started learning about all of this stuff to be consciously aware of why I hated it, he literally did a whole session on me and I realized that the reason I hated Florida, and Florida is flat, there’s a speedbump as tall as a mountain, all of these crazy things about Florida, because I what I aligned with it. Because of what happened then. So as an adult I’ve gone back to Florida. Florida is gorgeous.
Melissa: Oh yeah. Give me the next bus out. I love Florida.
Yamile: Florida is beautiful! The last time we went there I pulled a coconut off a tree. The abundance is beautiful the water, the air, the everything. But the reason why I couldn’t see that is because of my relationship to the past and so when a step-mom or step-dad when they are feeling disrespected it isn’t always because the kid is disrespectful, even though they could be it is because it is triggering a story they have from their past. And so that is the stuff that we help them unleash. Is to realize where is this coming from. Yeah, she did roll her eyes, but first let’s find out where is this coming from. Did I grow up in a family where children are not heard, they are only seen, and where is that coming from and so to be conscious of it that’s the type of people that we work with that they’re ready to open up the Pandora’s box and look at the poo and want to wash that off, right? And not everybody is ready for that and that’s okay. And that’s what we do.
Melissa: That’s great. Well, let’s switch gears a little bit because I want to make sure we have enough time to cover all of the questions. I have loved talking with you and I could talk with you forever but unfortunately I’m using a free software program and so I’m limited on the time, don’t cut me off and I don’t want for that to happen so let’s switch gears and talk about as far as looking back on your life, where you are now what piece of advice would you share with a soon to be Salem graduate who might be feeling a little discouraged right now about the world and going out there into the world and all of the things ahead of them after they leave the warm, safe community of Salem? What kind of advice would you share with them?
Yamile: I would share with them, that to align themselves with their heart. I know that sounds hokey pokey, and if people haven’t done mediation or yoga it might be a little difficult to understand just to go with it, but I would say before you graduate to sit under your favorite that you’ve had at Salem College because Salem’s campus is gorgeous. I love the cobblestone and everything.
Melissa: I know, it is so beautiful.
Yamile: Sit where you feel alive and I want you to take your journal and I want you to ask what do I do next? And allow the birds, the air, breathe in deeply, and just write. It’s actually called automatic writing.
Melissa: You know I’m reading a book on that right now?
Yamile: Are you really?
Melissa: I am reading a book on that right now. I will text it to you. My brother sent it to me and I absolutely love it.
Yamile: So girls, I am telling you and gentleman if you’re listening, automatic writing, is the universe’s way of speaking to you. Yes, that’s very creepy and weird, but as you write without thinking, okay does it have a period, does it have 150 words, don’t worry about any of that and just allow the presence that’s inside of you that powerful, warrior, beast you already know you are and then just let it all out. And any question that you have I guarantee you, or your money back, that you will get your answers for what you are supposed to do. And all the noise, your family, your Moms and Dads, your brothers, your boyfriends, all the noise for what they want for you focus first on what you want for you.
Melissa: Tell us, do you have the name of a favorite book that has helped you along with your journey?
Yamile: Yes, actually two off the top of my head, “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankel https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Young-Adult/dp/0807067997/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=C6X61N3DAE4A4GKDXBH0
which one day I would love to write the “Women’s Search for Meaning” but this guy is really powerful, he passed away, Dr. Victor Frankel, he was a pyschologist in Nazi Germany and he was put into the concentration camps and he wrote the book literally in his mind while he was in these camps. He was the one that would dig the graves, he was the one that would move the dead people so he was in the trenches of these terrible things that was happening, right, and when I read the book my mind went back to, first of all, I have not seen death like that. Right? And I still when I was going through stuff I thought I couldn’t get out, but this man he not only got out but he wrote secrets of how you can get out of your mind when we get there. So he was rehttps://www.amazon.com/Dying-Be-Me-Anita-Moorjani-ebook/dp/B006M7JCC2 al pivotal in reading that book.
Yamile: The other book is “Dying to Be Me”
https://www.amazon.com/Dying-Be-Me-Anita-Moorjani-ebook/dp/B006M7JCC2
So. Anita Moorjani, she actually wrote this book after having a near death experience. And she talks about this abyss, this matrix, this universal love that encompasses all of us. That hear on this earth we all put down stuff, like oh when you do you’re gonna do this and all these terrible things, not because they’re bad people but because of rules. A lot of times we feel if we put rules or boxes we’re going to protect people but in reality what we’re doing is limiting the spirits way of speaking to us. She talks about in this book that near death experience and she was out for I think 24 hours, something like that, it was just insane and so, she also, the reason why I think you’re gonna love this book, she also talks about how she was an Indian women born and raised in Hong Kong, under the dominan of the British, and was raised by a Chinese woman So she has all these dynamics…
Melissa: Lots of culture,
Yamile: Culture, religion, beliefs and disbeliefs,
Melissa: Oh I love that.
Yamile: And because of all of that it shaped her belief system so that when she died she was actually like, wait a minute, that’s just all the seasoning.
Melissa: Yeah, yeah, I love that!
Yamile: So, super powerful book.
Melissa: Alright, sister so I put both of those on my summer reading list because after graduation all l’m going to do is read all of the books that I want to read.
Yamile: Well, no you’ve got to get married.
Melissa: Well, I’ve got to get married. And we officially have an officiant. Allan called me and said he’s found someone to marry us, that was a huge road block, we were really worried about that but that’s been take care of so but after the wedding I’ll be reading.
Yamile: Good
Melissa: For sure, so I’ve got those on my list thank you for those. So next thing, what’s something kind of fun, and this could be silly and fun or serious or however you want it to be, what do you kind of consider to be your shot in the arm right now? What’s something good for your life, that’s a guilty pleasure, something that you do for yourself everyday that you look forward to.
Yamile: I love saying no. I love, I used to say yes to everything.
Melissa: I love that so much!
Yamile: I even say no to my daughters. I used to cringe, like Oh my God, I’m going to break their little hearts, and spirits, and saying no is the most unbelievable experience, I’ll tell Casey, I said no today!
Melissa: That’s so great, I love that.
Yamile: Especially now when you’re going to graduate. Cause everybody loves you, Melissa.
Melissa: Oh my gosh. Don’t say things like that.
Yamile: You know, you’re energy, they’re going to want you here and there, and you’re going to be like Oh my God my head is going to blow up.
Melissa: You’re so kind.
Yamile: But definitely, once we align ourselves, with what is that I want, then you can say no easier. I said no to a big organization who wanted me to come speak and I said no to them and a couple of other organizations too, and I said no not because I think I’m better than them but because we have to in order to continue with our destiny. Because throughout that people are going to be drawn to you, situations drawn to you but not all of those situations are the doors you need to open yet.
Melissa: I have a really hard time with saying no. I think it’s because I really, it’s the challenge, it’s like when someone asks me to do something I feel like they’re presenting me with a challenge and so I have a very difficult time with turning down a challenge because that’s kind of what feeds my fire is the challenge. And so I will absolutely keep that in the back of my mind, Yamile, as my little nugget of advice as I graduate because it is difficult for me. I don’t know if you have read the book by Gretchen Rubin, “The Four Tendencies”
or have taken the quiz quiz.gretchenrubin.com/ that she does and she’s written a book about this and I thought that I was a Rebel, because I do have rebel tendencies, and a lot of people are into the enneagram https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions and you know the enneagram has been around forever, and it’s a little, the enneagram is great, but The Four Tendencies just spoke to me because it’s more about your tendencies as far your behaviors are concerned and what motivates you to act and to respond. And so, I am absolutely and Oblidger, I was really surprised by that.
Yamile: That’s awesome.
Yamile: Girls, you need to take this assessment. Once you can identify with what somebody has coined, it will help you even more.
Melissa: Absolutely.
Yamile: It’s funny you say that. So, there is actually some masculine energy. And we’re up for the challenge, when you want to duel, let’s duel, it comes out of masculine energy. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing at all but when we say yes, let it be a yes because it’s going to fill the fire in your feminine energy. Not because it’s going to challenge you in that way. Does that make sense?
Melissa: That’s a great piece of advice. That’s a great way to keep it in perspective. Okay, well I wanted to make sure that we have enough time to get everyone connected to you. So, tell us how they can connect with you, well first tell us about your event for Latinas Finas on April 26.
Yamile: Ladies and Gentleman, please come out to a grand event, the event is called Soy e que, which means “I am, then what.” So, I am short, or I am graduating, then what? What is my life story? What is it supposed to be? For only ten dollars you’re going to get an empowerment session, you’re going to get to dance your hiney off with a lot of other women and then you’re going to get to be fed royally and also, connect with other businesses and other organizations in the area. We want Latinas, Black women, Asian women, anyone, and we’re still looking for vendors so you have that, I remember meeting a couple of girls who invented stuff in their dorm room at Wake Forest. If you ladies are like that and you have invented something and you want to come and sell it and showcase it, then that would be the place to go.
Melissa: That’s great. So how much are tickets?
Yamile: So tickets are $10 to be a participant, so if they want to showcase what they have so maybe a Salem Sister table, with all the little knick knacks or something like that, that’s twenty-five dollars. So that’s that event there, on the 27th, the very next day, Latinas Finas will be presenting many other Latin based women’s businesses at Reynolda House. It’s going to be a free event there. You get to go to Reynolda House for free. So, super exciting and there’s going to be way more things happening and we’re joining up with other female groups to do other events as well. This is not the end, this is the beginning.
Melissa: So tell us how they find you on Instagram, Facebook, all your socials.
Yamile: Yes, So for Latinas Finas you’re going to find us at Latinas Finas and that’s on Instagram and Facebook, please reach out to me if you want to do a live so we can share with the world, what you are, who you are and what you want to be because through that we can connect you literally with people all over the world. And with Conscious Step-Families we are @McBridge-Somos on Instagram and Facebook. We have a private group at Conscious Step-Families and they can pretty much google us and we’ll be at the top.
Melissa: That’s fantastic. Well, Yamile, thank you so much for taking time to do this and I just appreciate you, I respect you, I respect what you’re doing in our community. You are inspiration, you are just flipping things all over the place as you barrel through the county, it is fantastic, it’s refreshing, we need it and I just appreciate everything that you are doing and love it and I’m on board with you sister and I’m linking arms with you.
Yamile: Thank you so much
Melissa: Thank you so much. And listeners, thank you for tuning in today and listening to Yamile’s incredible story and you can find her where she mentioned on all of the social pages which I will have posted to the transcript over on the website at www.thedaisychainpodcast.com and we’ll see you next time.
it’s called The Four Tendencies and she’s w